MY LAST PRE-MEXICO BLOG ENTRY (Or, Juxtapose this)

I leave for Mexico in…11 hours, 51 minutes.

Plans for the plane:

1. Even though they’ve probably heard it a million times, I’m definitely going to ask the flight attendant if there are any motherfuckin' snakes on this motherfuckin' plane.
2. Since that probably won’t get a laugh, I’m going to place a baggy of carpet fresh inside someone else’s carry-on and then rat them out as a coke fiend. Let the hilarity ensue.

In other news, it turns out that I am a rock star. My band—The Mahoneys—recently played at the St. Paul’s School Advanced Studies Program. Here are some pictures; I look spaced-out in the one where the crowd seems really into it, but that’s because crowds—much like fine wine—make me feel frightened and confused and sleepy.

And finally, this:

My friend Jason drove through Iowa recently. He has a desire to see all 50 state capitols, and so he made an effort to stop and see Iowa’s. There is a statue near the capitol that has this engraved in stone above it: “Iowa—her affections, like the rivers of her borders, flow to an inseparable union.”

Now what statue best embodies that sentiment? According to the people of Iowa, the one pictured below:

This odd juxtaposition reminds me of the time I drove through Kentucky. Now, this is a state with churches every five feet, billboard-sized crosses on the highway, and moving trucks with biblical references painted on their sides. So you can guess how surprised I was when I passed Big Bone Lick State Park.

Shortly thereafter I passed this store:

Apparently Kentucky dictionaries don’t list the word “innuendo.” But really, what can you expect from a state whose abbreviation is “KY”?